I’m having another one of THOSE days: I don’t want to sit idle; I don’t want to be home; I don’t want to be alone; I hate people; and something (actually someone today) is driving me crazy.  

Oh yeah, exam today. Psychology is my bitch.  I wrote a poem on the exam actually.  Let’s see if I can recreate it here.

Ode to College Board:

Fuck you.

What the hell is this?

Sneaky Rat Bastards.

We didn’t study this.

What the fuck is this?

Cheaters.

… I think that’s it… Yay(!)  I also doodled a bit and told them “eat stars bitches!” and drew them a bunch of deformed stars.  I really hope they don’t look at that thing… Sucks for me if they do.  xD

I guess I’ll go to the park or something.  Read a book.  Oh yeah.  I’m converting from Hinduism to Buddhism.  I know that this will be a positive change for me.  In Barnes and Noble last Friday night, I had a profound and spiritual experience in the New Age/Spiritual/Philosophy/ Eastern Religions/ etc aisle (esstentially, one of the most awesome aisles EVER).  I found answers that I’d been searching for quite some time there.  It opened up my eyes.  I was right about somethings, but I was wrong about how I was doing things.  I’ve got a lot to learn.  But this will be great.  I’m going to practice as much as I can and grow as much as I can.  Within a few days, I’ve already notice some improvement.  This will be amazing for me, exactly what I need, what I’ve been looking for. 

Yeah…  I really need to figure out what the hell I’m doing here. 

The Galka family episode got me thinking.  It was beautiful.  Something beautiful bloomed out of this tragedy.  But gods.  I’m so blown away.  I’m starting to think that there is no hell, or that hell is for the truly evil.  Combined with all of the “I Survived… Beyond and Back” show stuff, I’m starting to believe in something dangerous, something beautiful.  Maybe we are looking at death wrong.  Maybe it’s not always a tragedy.  Maybe it’s like the miracle of birth.  The miracle of death. 

That’s crazy and somewhat twisted, I know.  But just think, after hearing all of these stories, maybe some people got it wrong along the way.  I dunno… I’m rambling and my lack of cohesiveness is making me angry again. 

Maybe, we really need to get more people doing paranormal research.  We have so much technology already available, and if more people got on it, even more so.  We can explore what our ancestors only dreamed about, find answers where they found myths.  We can find out from these spirits what truly happens after death. 

And just think of what impact that would have on people!  It would be incredible.  To have people not fear death.  To have an answer for people who don’t know what to believe.  To bring comfort and solace to people who have lost loved ones, just like this family.  To help the dying find peace.  There is so much possible out of this field!  It’s incredible. 

And going back to personal experiences, maybe I wasn’t wrong either.  What if death is better than life?  It’s dangerous to think like that, I know.  Like that movie What Dreams May Come, what if it’s a wonderful thing where anything is possible and you can live in dreams and in beauty.  Just thinking of the possibilities makes me happy.  I feel peace, not fear.  And maybe that’s what we’re supposed to feel about death. 

Maybe it’s not the end at all.  It’s the beginning of something inexplicable.  I already believe that.  To me, death should be embraced with open arms.  I live my life without cause for regret.  All my life, I’ll be walking towards death.  Death is just as beautiful as life.  Maybe they blur together enough that they’re the same thing.  As is, one cannot exist without the other.  Basic dichotomies.  The existence of darkness defines light.  Death creates life as much as life creates death. 

I feel peace now. 

What if I did this?

I wonder if you can paint robotic toe nails.

Who’s right?  Everyone keeps telling me all of these different things.  I don’t know who or what to believe in anymore.  Do you know that feeling, where you can’t tell which way is up and which way is down?  I think that that might be how I feel.  To be honest, I don’t know how to explain it.

You see, the media feeds us these things with all of these facts.  Though the facts maybe true, they make us believe in things that may or may not be.  They put things together and shove it in your face, acting like it’s really like that.  And because we don’t really hear anything else, we believe it. 

It’s like they tell us that the sky is blue because the water is blue.  Sure, but in areas where they’ve got that pesky red tide, the sky isn’t red.  What about that?  I don’t know.  I want to know.  But everywhere I look, it seems as if there’s nothing I can trust.  There are all of these opinions and biases built in.  It’s inevitable, I suppose, since we’re human.  But still, that makes everything more confusing and inconvenient. 

Who bloody knows whats really going on?  Who has the truth?  I don’t think anyone does.  I guess that the way we communicate and live with others has us withholding a lot of information - regardless of it’s importance or relevance.  Maybe pure honesty and openness is just bloody impossible because of it’s impracticality.  I mean, what would that even mean to be entirely open and honest?  I don’t think we work that way.  Maybe we’re programed to bend and twist the truth to our unique purposes.  Maybe it’s natural, even evolutionarily advantageous.  I don’t know.

I’m just really frustrated.  I can’t just search for the truth, could I?  I need to live.  Is it possible for me to survive searching the truth?  But even then, what the hell would I do with it? 

I’m starting to realize that everyone is just totally and completely full of shit.  Even myself.  So what the hell am I doing here talking about who knows what?  Urrrgh…. fuck me.  Maybe I guess that the point of this is that everyone’s full of shit and so am I.  But that fucking got me no where.  How irritating.  Maybe someone could help me make sense of all this.  I could only hope.

I wanna try…

How to play the Midnight Man Game w/ rules

It is highly recommended that you do not play the midnight game, however here are some instructions for thrill seekers. Do at your own risk;

1. It must be exactly 12:00 AM when you begin the ritual, or else it will not work. You will need;

Candles
Paper and Pencils
A wooden front door
Salt
A pin needle
All the lights in the house off

Step 1: Everyone who is playing the midnight game must write their names on a piece of paper, then use a pin needle to drop a single drop of their blood onto the paper

Step 2: Place the paper in front of your front door. Your front door must be made of wood.

Step 3: Light a candle

Step 4: Knock on your front door exactly 22 times. (Note: The 22nd knock must happen at 12:00 AM or the ritual will not work.)

Step 5: Open your door, blow out the candle, and close it. You have now summoned the “Midnight Man”. Immediately relight your candle

Step 6: Your goal for the rest of the game is to survive the Midnight Man. Everyone who plays must walk with their candle lit around the house, avoiding the Midnight Man at all costs until the clock strikes 3:33 AM. At which time the Midnight Man will leave. If your candle blows out on its own, it means the midnight man is near, and you have 10 seconds to relight your candle. if you fail to relight the candle in 10 seconds you must surround yourself with a circle of salt and wait until 3:33 AM. If you fail to surround yourself with salt in time the Midnight Man will attack and you will have hallucinations of your worst fears until 3:33 AM.

Signs that the Midnight Man is nearby:
* Your candle blows out
* You suddenly get very cold
* You hear a low whisper
* You see a black humanoid figure within the darkness

WARNING:
* DO NOT USE SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOOD ON YOUR PAPER
* DO NOT STAND IN ONE SPOT UNTIL 3:33 AM, THE MIDNIGHT MAN WILL FIND YOU
* DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FALL ASLEEP DURING THE MIDNIGHT GAME
* DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE DURING THE MIDNIGHT GAME
* DO NOT USE A LIGHTER OR ANY OTHER LIGHT SOURCE IN PLACE OF A CANDLE
* DO NOT TRY TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS DURING THE MIDNIGHT GAME

* AND DEFINITELY DO. NOT. TRY TO PROVOKE THE MIDNIGHT MAN!

(Source: http)